By: Nqobile Khoele
“Jabu and Lebo sitting on a tree kissing, first comes love then come marriage, then comes a baby in a golden carriage” is a song most of us know and loved to sing when we were young, little did we know that it not that easy to follow. If given the chance to go back, would you have dated all those girls or guys? falling in love in your early teens comes with so much baggage in your late twenties, let us unpack some of the baggage that is hard to let go of in your youth.
Love can be a scare that never heals, that never finds peace, which keeps you questioning, which always brings tears, that is always fearful and never allows to be loved again. Falling in love in your youth can be pure bliss or a walk in the jungle. Bliss for those who marry their high school sweethearts and an aching heart break after aching heart break for those who can never seem to find the right partner.
When you start dating young ,you are more of a believer to everything that you are told and the ‘Hollywood’ images that you’ve seen in films or other mediums of popular culture.You see the good in everyone, you love with your all and you do your best to please the next person, only to find that that person is not as invested in the relationship as you are. Then you hear those horrible words “it’s over”. The pain that is produced from having your heart broken for the first time has the potential to stain us forever. And then there is the second, the third and then the fourth time around you decide to do the heart breaking (reverse the cycle of pain) and you date two, three people at the same time. Now you have lost count, you stop for a while normally, perhaps for religious purposes, until you feel the need to fill the curve of loneliness. Now you are in your 20s and you are more grownand you decide to try the love thing again, however, sadly you are heartbroken again and this time it taps into your inner man. This is when you start to question your self worth and next you are attracting certain sicknesses, addictions and character changes. All these start to affect your mind, body and spirit.
Don’t rush to fall in love at an early age but choose to explore the world and all its possibilities, besides the offer of men/women and sex. Attain your goals and be the best you can be in your chosen career. You can never say you know everything and if you don’t learn something new every day, you are either hanging with the wrong people or you are wasting your time on worthless things. Move out of your comfort zone and do bolder things like going shopping by yourself or going on a solo road trip. Learn to fill your space with all that empowers you and learn to love yourself first before you can love anyone else. While you are young, actually be young. You will get older and do adult activities, you don’t have to have a long list of men or women who broke your heart by the time your suitable suitor comes to you. You fail to give it your all because you’ve done this “I love you” thing so many times.
It becomes a problem when you grow older, nothing seems new to you and you have a list of experiences: a bag full of partners who did you wrong and before the new partner breaths a word to you, you are half way depleted. All I advice is that in a society where dating and heartbreak are as common and synonimous as the word ‘love’ in an RnB song, aim to opt for what could be the healthiest decision at that time in your life, you will have much more to offer the true ‘Jabu’ or ‘Lebo’ of your life.