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By: Nqobi Khoele

It is never easy to write about yourself, regarding your present and past experiences. The relationship with God, family and partner are what built me to be who I am in society and workplace. As I share these with you I hope it will shed light in your relationships with those around you.

As we know we all come from different backgrounds. My dream was to never have the kind of relationship with my parents and siblings as most African families do today, where the father is the head & to get your message to him you would have to go through your mom (in most cases that would be too busy to listen you). Being the first-born means you have to fight, cry, and pray to be heard as these newlyweds have never had a child before so you are like the ginny pig which every thought, book or article they read on parenting, would start with you. Mothers are the hardest nuts to crack. The trick with moms is timing: you want to talk about burning issues of the things she needs to change, you need to have timing and pray a lot also keeping in mind that you can’t talk about everything- it all has to come in moderation. That is how I won my relationship with my mom. My dad was easy & I just needed to establish a communication line with him after and after that was achieved, we spoke of everything. Building a communication line with my parents helped me depend on them more than the outside world and by doing this, you help your siblings to have an easy way to them and together, we as a family are able to keep issues within the family and grow together.

When it comes to friends, I learned the hard way that when you don’t get the attention you need as a child from the family, friends become your family, not realising that there is only so much they can do for you. You don’t live with them and some don’t stay forever. Alterea motives not always good, some are because of personal gain and most are just as lost and confused as you are. Yes it’s not a bad thing to have friends but you got to set solid boundaries so that they know where you stand and there’s only so much you can do as friends for each other. I’ve learned how to have a back bone, how to say no and to accept being call boring and I’m cool with that.

Men, men, men: don’t get them and I’ve realised the point is not to get them but to get the one who you can stand his errors, bad habits, friend tendencies and when he has flu. If you meet a man whom you can still love when he goes through all these phases, then he is a keeper.

Lastly, my relationship with God wasn’t easy to build but today it stands firm and can’t be broken. Going through all these relationships, I’ve understood who God is and why I’m his child and He has broken me and rebuilt me and from time to time I still get a hiding which shows me He still loves me. I’ve had my times when I didn’t speak to Him: I shouted and told him to leave me alone and He just said ‘no’, sent people to cool me down with His word, played music that would remind me He isn’t going no where and that He’ll be waiting while I cool down, and I soon went back to Him and repented and listened to what He wants me to do. Now I can’t even pick an outfit without His okay.

The importance of having relationships is that you need to know what you want and why you need that particular person in your life. Then establish a communication line and language which will help you both grow. While waiting for that person to come you, you need patience you need to keep busy. You need to get to know the self and love the self. Understand the self so you know how to do the same for those you live with and work with.

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